people i met long ago

and who accidentally have shown up again in my life have already had the time to do astonishing things.
there,s this guy i met at university and  whom we may have laughed at several times and now i find he is a writer, a journalist, a TV presenter...
there,s this girl i,ve known for all of my life and whom i may have been in love with and now i find she is the perfect citizen the so-called global village
and there,s you, and your 3 year old daughter

2012

this is going to be fucking hard

...

it,s all so weird, and so very familiar at the same time, though
today i,ve been on the verge of tears and it was-is a strange feeling.
it,s nothingness it,s loneliness it,s numbness
i,m tired of downloading porn and masturbating
i,m tired of the job that is slowly killing me
i,m tired of myself
hollow at the core
hollow at the core

up up through my heart and to my brain

know what?
i thought things could be different this time, but then they weren,t
people around me are becoming increasingly annoying
at work at home hollow at the core
so the sounds echo within incredibly loud
i,ll be alone in the long run
she,s so bossy, i feel like i,m being torn away from my family (is that so bad?) and friends (this is bad)
and i have to wear a mask everytime i,m with hers... all the time... maternity mode...
and things at work are not appealing either, everybody wears masks and pretends, and pretends to be pretending
they freak me out
they fake me off
and i shouldn,t be here
in fact i shouldn,t be anywhere
which is stronger? i shouldn,t be anywhere? i should be nowhere?
fuck!

repeating myself

this is my autobiogrphy
an endless repetition
every summer i want to commit suicide
every single summer
... as if it were different the rest of the year
an infinite spiral-down
check the other entries
c,mon do it and then leave
you shouldn,t be here

and not a single fuck was given any day

in my life

again

i just want to be deleted from the world,s timeline

drop off as gently as a dead leaf 

fly as silently as the dark void

i just want to be erased from people,s minds

gently drop off from a cliff

silently fly and destroy

again

my life

numb

lately i feel numb
i let myself go and live as smoothly as possible until july arrives
i let myself go in every little aspect of my life
you know which ones and you should not be here
this is what i feel
i don't feel
i bought the last depeche mode remixes album just like an automaton and i haven,t listened to it yet
that was a long sentence
prefer shorter ones
like
these
ones



by the way i think i,m starting to repeat myself