muteness in the universe

2012-02-11T11:53:00.000-08:00

devil comes by...

some karma

2012-02-11T11:51:00.000-08:00

when i started thinking that she really liked me - in spite of her husband
i started thinking that i liked her - in spite of my girlfriend
diving into her eyes
making love to her
making her scream out of unstoppable pleasure
because i guess i do not have as much sex as i would like
i learnt that a friend of mine is getting divorced
and that shit is fucking real
it fucking hurts
and i realised that i really do love my girl
i love her
after all

people i met long ago

2012-01-04T13:17:00.000-08:00

and who accidentally have shown up again in my life have already had the time to do astonishing things.
there,s this guy i met at university and whom we may have laughed at several times and now i find he is a writer, a journalist, a TV presenter...
there,s this girl i,ve known for all of my life and whom i may have been in love with and now i find she is the perfect citizen the so-called global village
and there,s you, and your 3 year old daughter

2012

2012-01-01T16:12:00.001-08:00

this is going to be fucking hard

...

2011-12-12T10:34:00.000-08:00

it,s all so weird, and so very familiar at the same time, though
today i,ve been on the verge of tears and it was-is a strange feeling.
it,s nothingness it,s loneliness it,s numbness
i,m tired of downloading porn and masturbating
i,m tired of the job that is slowly killing me
i,m tired of myself
hollow at the core
hollow at the core

up up through my heart and to my brain

2011-10-20T09:50:00.000-07:00

know what?
i thought things could be different this time, but then they weren,t
people around me are becoming increasingly annoying
at work at home hollow at the core
so the sounds echo within incredibly loud
i,ll be alone in the long run
she,s so bossy, i feel like i,m being torn away from my family (is that so bad?) and friends (this is bad)
and i have to wear a mask everytime i,m with hers... all the time... maternity mode...
and things at work are not appealing either, everybody wears masks and pretends, and pretends to be pretending
they freak me out
they fake me off
and i shouldn,t be here
in fact i shouldn,t be anywhere
which is stronger? i shouldn,t be anywhere? i should be nowhere?
fuck!

repeating myself

2011-08-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

this is my autobiogrphy
an endless repetition
every summer i want to commit suicide
every single summer
... as if it were different the rest of the year
an infinite spiral-down
check the other entries
c,mon do it and then leave
you shouldn,t be here

and not a single fuck was given any day

2011-07-15T09:09:00.000-07:00

in my life

again

i just want to be deleted from the world,s timeline

drop off as gently as a dead leaf

fly as silently as the dark void

i just want to be erased from people,s minds

gently drop off from a cliff

silently fly and destroy

again

my life

numb

2011-06-11T15:09:00.000-07:00

lately i feel numb
i let myself go and live as smoothly as possible until july arrives
i let myself go in every little aspect of my life
you know which ones and you should not be here
this is what i feel
i don't feel
i bought the last depeche mode remixes album just like an automaton and i haven,t listened to it yet
that was a long sentence
prefer shorter ones
like
these
ones

by the way i think i,m starting to repeat myself

...

2011-06-06T09:58:00.001-07:00

a reminder

and

2011-05-31T14:49:00.000-07:00

i can,t be there for everyone all the time. today i let my girl down just to watch pirates of the caribbean 4 with an old friend, and
to compensate tomorrow i will let my band down on some sms excuse oh how my neck is aching or something like, and
i will do this in the knowledge that i will have to compensate the band so that i will have to let someone else down and, there is no fucking rest for me in this life.
and the roach wakes up just when you arrive after a movie and tells you an ungrateful bastard
and
i want a change
at any cost

those three words

2011-05-29T12:25:00.000-07:00

i had declared you deceased just to try to start over again
but now your grandmother says you,re alive
and with one daughter
i had declared you deceased just to get another mantra at night
when dark demons come
to have a different name to comfort me
but you are alive and with one daughter
congratulations
i will see you in the next life

i will not look for you, but how badly i want you to find me

2011-05-17T14:29:00.000-07:00

the end (act III)

fuck

2011-05-17T11:22:00.000-07:00

it,s over. and by the time being, i don,t want to go back, nor resume at a different point. i give up.
i don,t want to keep the guitar, i don,t want my voice to be heard again, i don,t want my songs played anymore.
it,s fucking over. and by the time being, i,m doing quite fine.

and the other blog can also go to hell

AND YOU SHOULD NOT BE HERE, FUCK

brain damage

2011-05-11T14:54:00.000-07:00

hypocondriach as i am i think i may have a brain tumor
get inside one of those terryfying machines which make life more livable
get the news
here,s the news
chew swallow choke on it
hypocondriach as i am i will never see them again my loved ones
spelling mistakes make me cry in front of a thousand pedestrians
can,t imagine
don,t want to think about
how life could be without you
when i,m dead

i give up

2011-05-05T05:09:00.000-07:00

well, i think it,s obvious by now
i fell into a deep black hole
and i,m going to explode
sooner or later
i only want to sleep
nothing makes me happy
not even slightly
well i think it was obvious from the start
written in the stars above
i want to be hit by a fast german car

2011-04-01T04:21:00.000-07:00

everytime i look out from my balcony, i find the cracks in the pavement calling my name louder and louder.

fact.

2011-03-28T12:43:00.000-07:00

tear down the wall

te d o t e a ll

r w h w

a n

down

2011-03-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

brother > clinical depression

girlfriend > had fill of me

work > exhausting unrewarding

friends > see girlfriend

me > no drugs

roger waters > the wall

i can,t become comfortably numb

there,s nothing left for me

just want to go to sleep and never wake up

codex radiohead

2011-03-13T14:59:00.000-07:00

for me, this is a song about innocence, about a moment of pure innocence frozen in time, like an old photograph coming out from a drawer. this is you jumping to a calm lake. you jumped as a child, and wish you could jump again, many years passed, and come out as the child you once were. but it,s impossible. you can never go back. and knowledge has made you mean.

again talking about myself using 2nd person singular deictics

all is lost

my brother is now the one suffering from clinical depression

leitmotivs

how funny

2011-02-28T13:49:00.001-08:00

computer says i,m dead

oh, no, blogs are dead! lovely blogs!

2011-02-25T02:47:00.000-08:00

has anybody ever asked you what is it that you really want?

it,s not my case

i am being swung, shaken and finally torn by the wills of the people i most love

carelessly

and i,m starting to think that nobody really loves me

when i,m starting to love for the very first time in my life

i,ve always walked the paths of happiness - the sun in front of me - a dark shadow following my steps - just beacuse i,ve never cared about anything - the extinction of desire -

i still can,t say no

2011-02-20T14:52:00.000-08:00

this has been a weird weekend out. we,ve made love and war. we,ve been rude to one another. but we,ve also been the best lovers. and i,ve missed it so much. it,s been weird. but it,s ok.

and by the way... reprise

2011-02-16T13:15:00.000-08:00

he,s one of the best friends i will ever have

my own blood

my brother

in spite of ourselves

in spite of my paranoia

彼は親友の私のいずれかが今までになりますです
自分の血
兄
自分自身にもかかわらず、
私の妄想にもかかわらず、

він один з кращих друзів я коли-небудь буде
моя власна кров
мій брат
Незважаючи на Себе
Незважаючи на мою параною

ai është një nga miqtë më të mirë i do të ketë kurrë
gjakun tim
vëllai im
Në dritën e Jonë
Në dritën e paranojës tim

han er en av de beste vennene jeg noen gang vil ha
mitt eget blod
min bror
Til tross for Ourselves
På tross av paranoia min

彼は親友の私のいずれかが今までになりますです
自分の血
兄
自分自身にもかかわらず、
私の妄想にもかかわらず、

wouldn,t it be nice...

2011-02-16T13:12:00.000-08:00

... to spend eternity softly travelling to the ends of the universe?

dead son

2011-02-12T11:10:00.000-08:00

i,ll never beget you, son

because i will soon explode

i,m really sorry

but i don,t deserve you

as you don,t deserve me

someone far better

you,ll never lean on me, son

because i will fail on and on

i,m really sorry

but i can,t find my ways

so i can,t be of any help

someone far better

collapse collapse

bent and cracked

and the tide will wash the whole world away

and i,ll slide down a deep black hole astray

forgive me wherever you are

i never meant it to be like this

forgive me wherever you are

i never meant it to be like this

the child that i was

tears the flesh out of me

and is still chasing me

the loneliness of the reflection on the mirror

the man that i was turned into

i,m sorry, son

2011-02-10T14:03:00.000-08:00

maybe i deserve it

2011-01-31T06:13:00.000-08:00

i paid for it
300€
wrote the bridge
wrote the lyrics
played the lead guitar
played the bass
sang the backing vocals
imagined the drums
now it,s his
maybe i deserve it
maybe it will be a good story

2011-01-27T14:14:00.001-08:00

you should not be here

it,s unreal

2011-01-27T14:00:00.000-08:00

today it all suddenly feels unreal

meaninglessness

teenwolf on tv

thief

high

have a shower

make some coffee

sleep

wake up early

just to be in the reds

social appointments

losing my patience

seville drivers deserve a long painful death

sleep tight

now

strange

2011-01-24T12:52:00.000-08:00

it,s strange

i sometimes start thinking about having an argument with my girl

she tells me i,m not worth it

she tells me i don,t deserve her

she humilliates me

and i keep standing there, dead but standing

and i walk away, dead man walking

but then back in the world outside - which doesn,t mean the real one -

everything is fine

paranoid thoughts that are whispering me something

that i don,t want to hear

it,s strange

and i owe a lot of money in spite of not being an alcoholic - daddy-like -

i,ve got a steady job - which means monthly incomes -

and i can,t save a cent

i,ve got to pay before earning

just like every single man born on this planet

and by the way...

2011-01-16T13:38:00.001-08:00

i thought this would remain a secret. but people from the US, canada, south korea, india, etc... are aware of my blog. i don,t know whether they have discovered it accidentally or not. nevermind. feel free to comment, although, dear friends, you shouldn,t be here.

stressed

2011-01-16T13:30:00.000-08:00

and now there,s another problem, the old roach.

becoming unbearable.

the other day i really wanted to stab a knife (and two forks) in its back.

want it to leave to barcelona next summer.

i mean it.

once again

2011-01-15T16:09:00.000-08:00

i want to start killing people around

new car

2010-12-30T15:23:00.000-08:00

i,ve just bought my first car.

second-hand, actually.

and i can,t stop thinking that i,m going to die soon in a terrible accident.

and now that the possibility of dying is so real - oh, blessed literary suicides -

that it scares the hell out of me.

i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared

a given day

2010-12-28T15:18:00.000-08:00

it,s remarkable how things seem to be connected in life.

the same day i was suffering from a severe stomach virus, one of my best friends suffered a stomach pierce. i don,t know whether that,s the appropriate name. but again, you should not be here.

and i paid him a visit at hospital and he was so thin. he seemed so weak. but there was life in his eyes. and i felt terrible when i realised that it,s not the things you do the milestones in your life. it,s the things you might not be able to do. it,s the persons you might lose. and if i lost the person i,ve lived so many things with, the blow would be quasi-lethal. i always survive - gregory samsa-like - but in what manner.

i should have given him a call today. but it,s too late. i,m writing here what i should be telling. hey, dude, we,ve got a record to do, so let,s get started!!!

we went into a mass when it had already started high on grass just for the fun of it

they won,t get us

silence (twice)

so many things...

merry xmas

2010-12-24T04:52:00.000-08:00

as if it weren,t enough, xmas creeps out from a foggy sewer

and i feel lonely

once again

or maybe i haven,t stopped feeling lonely, not even for a single second

and she has nearly had her fill

of me

i understand her

but she doesn,t understand me

she doesn,t take care of me

she doesn,t make me feel like i,m loved

when i need it so much

merry xmas, indeed

what a beautiful day

what a beautiful family

how funny!!

should be in bed

2010-12-19T14:59:00.000-08:00

i had a strange feeling today

just thought i was far to good for her

that i was far better than her

or maybe that she was not good enough for me

and now i am close to tears while i,m writing this down

poetry-shaped

it,s love

hello there

2010-12-16T13:07:00.000-08:00

hello you no-one

been travelling a lot lately

to the far end of the world

snowy mazes

siles

made friends

some were just pretending

think it might have been envy

or maybe my autofellatio pride

beautiful landscape nonetheless

know what? gonna buy me a car

and the first song to be heard under my command shall be

airbag

fed up

2010-11-23T02:01:00.001-08:00

this is f***** up

...

2010-07-20T16:40:00.000-07:00

i know you must be somewhere

in the shadow of the tree you wanted to erase your name from

in the pavements staring at the bright lights of a big city

i know you must be somewhere

in the prospects of some hungry lips

in the memories of the sand and the sea

you must be somewhere

i am constantly thinking about you

long time no see (2?)

2010-07-19T16:46:00.000-07:00

it,s been a while...

well, after being sent to work to marbella and cuevas de san marcos

after having studied

and having quasi-failed

i,m here again

with almost nothing to say

unintended poetry

as epiphanies in a tooth

and i,m getting on

astray

hopefully somewhere

hopefully

could it be that simply i just don,t want to grow up?

am i pulling off by my fingertips?

sorry for the delay

2010-06-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

happy birthday, jordi. i'll see you in the next life, brother...

and yes, this is the bottom of the entry

most likely

2010-04-19T13:27:00.000-07:00

i,ve been sent to work to Isla Cristina, a town near Portugal which lives out of tourism during the summer, and out of drug dealing and fishing - in that order- the whole year.

pupils are pupils, but there are some disrupting individuals who come from abject disfunctional families, and there are also some who are evil, to put it simply.

since i arrived there, i,ve been honoured to witness thefts, insults, destruction of highschool properties, and this morning a student whose mind is completely off the rails has aimed at my chest with a gun-shaped toy and has pulled the trigger thrice.

this is not what i,ve signed for...

no one told this would be this hard...

but everything is not harsh, thank goodness my colleagues are all superb, but for one or two...

just ignoring,em

let,em rest in peace in their educational coffin...

... and fires, and drug dealing, and sexual abuse, and anorexia, and...

i won the lottery and died the next day

2009-12-22T02:25:00.000-08:00

i choke on an enormous feeling of loneliness - i choke on an enormous feeling of anger

i want nonetheless to be more isolated - i want to start killing people around

i want to cry

i want to shout this out loud

i,m choking

i want to be folded centrefold, kept in a drawer and forgotten about

the extinction of desire is nirvana

we are the causes of our own suffering

silogisms are cruel

but fair

i want to cry

i want to die

literally

no more black-on-white suicides

blurred sight

jolly life-like social networks

2009-12-14T03:43:00.000-08:00

make me wanna cry over spilt life

and life spirals down like tap water in a sink

2009-12-08T12:16:00.000-08:00

it,s over

nothing left to see

nothing

it,s over

fighting back though there,s no victory for me

broken spines white wine and sleeping pills

it,s over

nothing left to feel

nothing

it,s over

and here i am standing dead on both my feet

what i was was lost along a way of needles and pins

it,s over

nothing left to see

nothing

it,s over

if you don,t want to be like them, read...

2009-12-01T00:51:00.000-08:00

YOU SHOULD NOT BE HERE

2009-11-24T13:30:00.000-08:00

you see, madness, as you know, is like gravity... all it takes is a little push

...and the beatles

2009-11-24T13:19:00.000-08:00

got the abbey road album a few days ago and it is completely amazing. don,t know if the term progressive pop is appropiate, don,t know if it even exists, but that,s what it is. but my mp4 leaps between songs and that doesn,t allow me to fully appreciate the wonders in it

so i decided to get me the sargent peppers (salt and pepper) lonely hearts, club band and it is definitely so much better. i love a day in the life but above all within you without you john and paul just had to shut up their big mouths for once and all

and by the way

i,m back into crossing streets with my eyes shut

lovely

ambushed

2009-11-16T16:44:00.000-08:00

jolly life-like social networks,

pulled apart lives.

i don,t really know if i ever met you...

but how i miss you

sentimental drivel

mirrors do not cry

mirrors do not lie

binary waves through numb bodies

everlasting wife-killer knives

it scares the living hell out of me

i don,t really know if i ever met you...

because you don,t seem to be missing me

i,ve got a dying child within me

he never leaves

he will never leave

he,ll stick around with me until the day i die

he won,t let me go

because -fuck- i don,t want him to

mirrors do not cry

mirrors do sometimes tell white lies

random subject leaping

as usual

i,m not living, i,m just killing time

2009-11-10T12:49:00.000-08:00

well, my girl,s suffering from clinical depression and thanks to that, i,ve discovered that i can pretend happiness quite accurately

in fact i think i,ve always suspected it

and it,s taking a lot of time to get out of here, since september, actually

and i have to prove my love, this is karma police knocking on my door

you know what i,m talking about

and some strange thoughts come to my mind, i,ve got such a burden onto my life

the main one is quitting

quitting the band, a 30-year-old man,s decision

quitting my job, a 30-year-old man,s decision

even quitting my girl, a 30-year-old man,s decision

because at the gym i,ve met a girl (man, so hot) whose smile literally wipe all my shadows out instantly...

but karma police comes again

i wish i was sent real further than far and i could get all these things out of my sight

edipus, shortcut

saxon genitive

and many other little roaches climbing up the walls

3 songs

each one is sadder than the previous one

just remember, dear unprobable reader, you should not be here

downs

2009-10-06T13:37:00.000-07:00

and i,m not going thru a good period in my life-again. she,s not going thru a good period in her life-again, and that doesn,t make things any better. a lot of work to do just to release my boss from paperwork burden and that doesn,t make things any better. and i,m letting my family down in a moment in which they need my help, and my attention is so blurred and weak that i don,t have any fucking second for myself.i,ve even run out of clean washed clothes. i can,t sleep, i try to stay awake as long as possible so that i don,t have to wake up in the dead of night waiting for sleep to come again. weed is not of any help, pills are not of any help, and things ain,t seem to be getting better or anywhere. i want to sleep for years, i want to disappear completely and be forgotten. i want to peel the layers of the atoms of which i am made and fly free-at last-from this fucking earth.

vacuum

2009-08-24T04:50:00.000-07:00

no sex
no future
no intelligence
no fun
no sleep
no car
no one

my

2009-08-09T14:23:00.000-07:00

fucking

big

mouth

and then, it happened

2009-08-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

after having many problems, we finally did it.

it may not have been the best of concerts, but last night,s was the best concert i have had the pleasure to take part in. our friends liked it, my girl liked it

i felt confident onstage, and though each of us made some mistakes, actually it did not matter

i,m a happy man

i,m a happy musician

i have refound a friend

if things were to go wrong

2009-07-23T16:11:00.000-07:00

lately i,ve been suffering a kind of depression in my life and there are different causes, i would say.

some of them have to do with my addictions, of which i haven,t been able to get enough and this is making me sick. waiting for the right phone call to come... perhaps i should quit for once and all, and leave behind all this dirt... but would my personality be changed by that? i just don,t know but if i never try...

and i,m going through another low, i can,t be happy when i,m with her - by now.

my blood thickens, my laughter dies and my hands freeze... we really do need some time together to sort things out, to find happiness again

and my job slowly kills me, bruises that won,t heal

and people keep asking me why i like radiohead...

they sing my life

and it is significant that i,ve talked a whole lot more about drugs than about my girl

literary suicides

beautiful

harmless

& useful

men on the moon

2009-07-19T13:02:00.000-07:00

13-year-old's raping 13-year-old girls

there is something wrong

summer fires

serious neck aches

a non-loving girlfriend

what about me?

this is yet another low

i should be used to it by now

but i ain´t

never will

dharma

2009-07-13T16:55:00.000-07:00

she,s running out of episodes

and wants some more

like a junkie on a sunday morning

now the doors are closed

no matter how i bash,em

no matter how hard i try

like a junkie on a sunday morning

wanting some more

i,m a junkie on a sunday morning

repented and ashamed

but wanting some more

the last of your songs

echoes in my head

casting dark shadows

all over my door

i,m a junkie on a sunday morning

who walks away to avoid

any after-sex drivel with you

repented and ashamed

but wanting a whole lot more

never let me down

2009-07-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

dm,s concert cancelled, my concert cancelled, me playing the guitar solos...

and in spite of that, i can smile

if i try the best i can...

do you know anything about drums?

anger in the universe

2009-07-10T19:09:00.000-07:00

dm,s singer,s having a bad year... first some cancer, many shows cancelled, now a what-the-fuck-was-it leg, my show cancelled...

best wishes, dave

but, hell... i was really looking forwards seeing you...

all i want to do is see you

disappointment in the universe

hku2ybhiuhi9746h kdcksh khcñ 3 8 loò'099

2009-07-07T16:56:00.001-07:00

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gvgel ehuioe jlkjeoi

keh uv oeu3877vb hejkjhfd35432dfnvjlkjove

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vjeouv83 vjouv´jñ h3

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jleirjuie foeu oeuor78 veijvohv v0y96g

nk nui

eru8ey 398

lkjeuneuiryq

n jv eou9873 hiuriehip u eob ouqrhfi h

egvuoeb63 ueyi uouy kl3+po v

ieigye

iueyi8oy3979 rih ihif iyri7y73 ytgiyr 37 yui

uiy

and there,s samsa

2009-07-05T07:22:00.000-07:00

i live with an old roach, which i love as long as it,s out of sight

corpses floating on a river by SASAKI Chizuko

2009-07-01T16:46:00.000-07:00

critical review

2009-07-01T16:34:00.000-07:00

the writer, following lorca,s teachings, has created a diary of a self-hatred man in which the main character is not even mentioned, reminding us of lorca,s pepe el romano, who was a kind of invisible force which makes the action go and the rest of the characters onstage react.

but who is that undiscoverded character?

and we also have a woman with whom he is desperately in love, but who is the object of many oblivious (to be kind) actions of the most abject nature. but he loves her, nonetheless

and now i,m starting to review myself, literary autofellatio, how do you like it?

pepe must die

i,m lost

sorry

long time no see

2009-07-01T16:13:00.000-07:00

if this were nineteenth century installments, i would have been fired long time ago... and this is a mixture of the second and third conditional sentences and my students would know that i,m a liar

too tired today

we,ve had two good rehearsals but this one has been, if not bad, tiring and trying, and i have a feeling that something,s creeping out of my sight, as if forces were conspiring against me... no paranoia careful to all animals fitter happier? and my daughters are being ignored... and i don,t take care of them properly, but that,s because i know i will be fired sooner or later

closed structure

where does all this (self)hate come from? how can i handle it? how can i cope with it?

and why am i always so eager and willing to beat him ceaselessly?

five dollar words

not so closed

... but i have her

and all is fine

hot

2009-06-21T05:34:00.000-07:00

too hot in here

and there,s something that doesn,t work with those two

too different

time will surely be the one to tell

oh well

speelin mestakez

2009-06-16T02:49:00.000-07:00

just like a whore would spell those words
my complaint
why won,t you suck my cock with the lights on?
just because you,re a catholic?
so am i
and i have no problems with that
translate into spanish
a whore is more literate than you and they don,t write songs
yet

new year

2009-06-11T17:23:00.000-07:00

what the hell, i,m gonna try the best i can (,cos the best i can is good enough) to try the best i can to mend my ways - i,m gonna learn the songs i,m gonna write new ones i,m gonna do it, yes hereby

this one,s for you. i still have faith in friends who have proved nearly unreliable, but deliciously insane. in spite of big mouths and the like - i still can,t even mention the subject - she,s the only one to whom i,ve been able to openly confess myself, and that,s yet another reason to love her. - it,s not that someone might read this and suffer a sudden blast of knowledge, it,s not that somebody might find out about this... it,s me, up to now i can,t believe the treason, it still hurts badly, so badly. so fucking badly. forgiven but sadly not forgotten. what the hell i,m gonna try the best i can. ups and downs in the plot. i,m completely off the rails. love to all.

2009-06-10T16:15:00.000-07:00

rehearse

2009-06-09T17:21:00.000-07:00

this... this is our new song... just like the last one... A TOTAL W.A.S.T.E. OF TIME... my iron lung

nothing sounds right and i know it,s partly my fault, disappointment in the eyes, what else can i do? what can i do to balance every aspect of my life? and i may sound a little paranoid, but i think that the joke was on me... yeah, you know which kind it is... people like chasing me around... i, m getting a bit tired of it... sometimes i feel as if a dense black ball of black electricity was growing inside of me, and that ball starts to expand and spread beyond my corporal limits, wiping everything around me out, and when i,m alone, oh,god how fucking good it feels... now it,s your turn to decide whether i,m joking or not

they brought in the C.I.A the tanks and the whole marines to blow me away to blow me sky high

sorry for the delay

2009-06-07T09:59:00.000-07:00

happy birthday, jordi

snowy mazes

2009-06-04T16:49:00.000-07:00

and perhaps it is only me subconsciously taking a subtle quiet revenge, following someone else,s footprints

danny, come ,ere, danny

sleep tight

sitting by the river

2009-06-04T01:27:00.000-07:00

write a song, make a decent demo out of it, store it in a drawer with the rest of your secrets, forget about... and the song will come stronger and revengeful... it will chase after that person who wanted to smother you, who thought the world was created only for himself and now realises how wrong he was... none of his songs can cast a shadow over yours... and now he has to sing your words, and these words are needles in his eyes... so be it... corpses floating by...

she

2009-06-01T10:09:00.000-07:00

although it is scorching here, things seem to get better, little by little. when i saw her it was like the very first time... so beautiful and so fragile, so strong on the inside, she is my one and only. and i made love to her as sweetly as i could as lovingly as i could as slowly as i could because i do really love her, and what,s best, she loves me, no doubt. sometimes the wrong sign tried to shine over my head bringing back bad memories i don,t want. her eyes, her body, the touch and smell of her skin. i will shred the wrong sign litlle by little, taking my time in watching it suffer...

radiohead amnesiac their copyright or emi,s, don,t know don,t intend to win any money...

2009-05-27T16:33:00.000-07:00

feeling good

2009-05-27T16:18:00.000-07:00

although sometimes i get a cliff hanger feeling, surprisingly yesterday was good, mostly.

phone calls pull the trigger. time washes everything, mostly.

i,m not sure whether to carry on with this. at least as an everyday activity.

and i have to write some new songs and i have to rehearse the old ones. just to quit the band in a few month,s time. friendships come and go, and i have to learn to keep the old ones and erase the new ones. unworthy. mostly.

radiohead_talk show host

2009-05-26T16:16:00.000-07:00

i want to be someone else or i,ll explode floating upon the surface for the birds

you want me? fucking well come and find me i,ll be waiting with a gun and a pack of sandwiches and nothing nothing nothing nothing

you want me? fucking c'mon and break the door down i,m ready i,m ready i,m ready

i,m ready

secrets, coincidences and homer j. simpson

2009-05-26T05:10:00.000-07:00

i have quite a few secrets which i cannot share because they will destroy not only me, but someone else,s life. and i cannot bear that. i just can,t. i can go on with many things but not with that. do you know the episode in which homer becomes a critic for the springfield shopper? at first he fails and he is in the bathtube franticaly washing himself and crying out 'i,m still dirty'... well, that,s precisely the image that came into my mind when i made my latest biggest mistake and oh! here i am watching that randomly chosen episode on tv reminding me that the bottom line is that everything is wrong. spelling correction?. no shelter. the drugs don,t work. and are expensive.

first timers

2009-05-26T04:55:00.000-07:00

this is the first time i start a blog. my own blog. i think i,m doing this as a kind of self-therapy... there is so much shit to deal with... i,ll put in here whatsoever wanders within, so that i can get along with a little less of a burden. i will not advertise this blog anywhere, so if you have found out this, maybe you,re as bored as i am. mortigi tempo. not living actually. let,s keep this a secret. no names. no places. just thoughts (?) here. life is...