new car

i,ve just bought my first car.

second-hand, actually.

and i can,t stop thinking that i,m going to die soon in a terrible accident.

and now that the possibility of dying is so real - oh, blessed literary suicides -

that it scares the hell out of me.

i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared

i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared. i,m scared

a given day

it,s remarkable how things seem to be connected in life.

the same day i was suffering from a severe stomach virus, one of my best friends suffered a stomach pierce. i don,t know whether that,s the appropriate name. but again, you should not be here.

and i paid him a visit at hospital and he was so thin. he seemed so weak. but there was life in his eyes. and i felt terrible when i realised that it,s not the things you do the milestones in your life. it,s the things you might not be able to do. it,s the persons you might lose. and if i lost the person i,ve lived so many things with, the blow would be quasi-lethal. i always survive - gregory samsa-like - but in what manner.

i should have given him a call today. but it,s too late. i,m writing here what i should be telling. hey, dude, we,ve got a record to do, so let,s get started!!!

we went into a mass when it had already started high on grass just for the fun of it

they won,t get us

silence (twice)

so many things...

merry xmas

as if it weren,t enough, xmas creeps out from a foggy sewer

and i feel lonely

once again

or maybe i haven,t stopped feeling lonely, not even for a single second

and she has nearly had her fill

of me

i understand her

but she doesn,t understand me

she doesn,t take care of me

she doesn,t make me feel like i,m loved

when i need it so much

merry xmas, indeed

what a beautiful day

what a beautiful family

how funny!!

how funny!!

should be in bed

i had a strange feeling today

just thought i was far too good for her

that i was far better than her

or maybe that she was not good enough for me

and now i am close to tears while i,m writing this down

poetry-shaped

it,s love

hello there

hello you no-one

been travelling a lot lately

to the far end of the world

snowy mazes

siles

made friends

some were just pretending

think it might have been envy

or maybe my autofellatio pride

beautiful landscape nonetheless

know what? gonna buy me a car

and the first song to be heard under my command shall be

airbag

fed up

this is f***** up

...

i know you must be somewhere

in the shadow of the tree you wanted to erase your name from

in the pavements, staring at the bright lights of a big city

i know you must be somewhere

in the prospects of some hungry lips

in the memories of the sand and the sea

you must be somewhere

i am constantly thinking about you

long time no see (2?)

it,s been a while...

well, after being sent to work to marbella and cuevas de san marcos

after having studied

and having quasi-failed

i,m here again

with almost nothing to say

unintended poetry

as epiphanies in a tooth

and i,m getting on

astray

hopefully somewhere

hopefully

could it be that simply i just don,t want to grow up?

am i pulling off by my fingertips?

sorry for the delay

happy birthday, jordi. i'll see you in the next life, brother...

and yes, this is the bottom of the entry

most likely

i,ve been sent to work to Isla Cristina, a town near Portugal which lives out of tourism during the summer, and out of drug dealing and fishing - in that order- the whole year.

pupils are pupils, but there are some disrupting individuals who come from abject disfunctional families, and there are also some who are evil, to put it simply.

since i arrived there, i,ve been honoured to witness thefts, insults, destruction of highschool properties, and this morning a student whose mind is completely off the rails has aimed at my chest with a gun-shaped toy and has pulled the trigger thrice.

this is not what i,ve signed for...

no one told this would be this hard...

but everything is not harsh, thank goodness my colleagues are all superb, but for one or two...

just ignoring,em

let,em rest in peace in their educational coffin...

... and fires, and drug dealing, and sexual abuse, and anorexia, and...