death to all who stands in my way
you shouldn,t be here

THEYRENOTGONNAHAPPEN

as you grow up

when you grow up

if you grow up

,

you realise how insignificant you are

you realise your feelings are just commonplaces 

you realise you can hardly cast a shadow

when you're exposed to the light

and it looks like you are your father

and it looks like you're ending up just like him

and it looks like it scares the hell out of you

[void]

and that's all there is 

DONTGETANYBIGIDEASTHEYRENOTGONNAHAPPEN

DONTGETANYBIGIDEASTHEYRENOTGONNAHAPPEN

DONTGETANYBIGIDEASTHEYRENOTGONNAHAPPEN

DONTGETANYBIGIDEASTHEYRENOTGONNAHAPPEN

DONTGETANYBIGIDEASTHEYRENOTGONNAHAPPEN

DONTGETANYBIGIDEASTHEYRENOTGONNAHAPPEN

DONTGETANYBIGIDEASTHEYRENOTGONNAHAPPEN

DONTGETANYBIGIDEASTHEYRENOTGONNAHAPPEN

...

and we,re in the same catch

broken ankles

blood pouring animals

fighting to escape

and we,re in the same catch

sweating fear

un día dado II

hoy los pasos piensan en el horizonte que no ven

did you get married too young and had children right away?

do you feel like you are wasting your life working for a dime, pre-owned by your bank?

did you buy a house at an unreasonable price?

don't you know where you are heading?

well, fuck you!

back

there have been some 180º-changes
summing up
grandma is ill > entailing > aunt takes care of her > entailing > freedom to move in with girlfriend > entailing
recently unemployed
ill
things
good and bad
new-born / leukemia

now i feel like a man

after 33 years of empty existence

do i know them from somewhere? writers, writers everywhere

and two new old obsessions who make me hard in the mornings

whenever this happens to me, i quickly caress my girl with my cock, delighted in the way her skin feels on my rod

i need to take a shit

we shouldn't be here

wake up tomorrow brand-new, a little tired, but brand-new

foresee
what my life will become
dying prospects
smotherting mornings
green moons
dead-lines
smothered laughs
red numbers

slavery
unending slavery


thank you so very much, we feel very much obliged to your generosity and kindness, we wouldn,t know what to do, had it not been you, etc, etc, etc, non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs 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non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs non-sequiturs am i the only one 'round here who wants to explode?

a spark away

i,m a walking fuel tank
a spark away from exploding
leaving a wet trace behind
present and past
confabulating against me
present and past
looking for matches
to watch me burn

dead politicians floating down a river

pulling bankers' limbs apart little by little

media says 

moody's moods damaged goods' rotten fruits

media says

all my friends are deserting me

abel

Cuando Abel nació, ya era huérfano de padre. El pobre infeliz había fallecido pocos minutos después de recibir la llamada de su propia mujer, avisándole que había roto aguas. Un simple semáforo en rojo truncó los prospectos de una familia. Romper aguas. Como si alguien alguna vez hubiera podido infligir heridas al agua. Semáforos rojos. Como si nadie se los hubiera saltado. - Bonita historia. -

Durante el típico parto de las primerizas, la madre de Abel jamás dejó de preguntar por su marido. Aun mientras las lágrimas se desbordaban por sus escuálidas mejillas. Aun mientras los médicos ensanchaban manualmente su vagina. Aun mientras se le formaban hematomas en el vientre de la presión ejercida por puños desconocidos. Aun en el momento en el que por fin tomó a Abel en sus brazos por primera vez. No se percató de sus pequeños ojos oscuros, de sus minúsculas manos, de su piel de suspiros. Seguía llamando a un marido que jamás habría de llegar, desoyendo el llanto de un - adulto - recién nacido que la llamaba.

• Aquí tiene a su niño. Un bebé sano con diez dedos en las manos y diez en los pies – dijo la inocente y risueña enfermera que la atendía.

Murmullos violáceos.

• Señora, su hijo...

• ¿Es usted la mujer de Fernando García Tur?

Policía municipal. - La vecina del segundo. - Fernando García Tur. Ése era el nombre. Silencio verde.

• Señora, lamento informarle...

Y los compases de la noticia resonaron por siempre jamás en su vientre, en su corazón, en su cabeza. Desde ese preciso instante supo que estaba hueca en su interior. Vacía.

A pesar de todo, Abel pudo salir adelante gracias al esfuerzo de la abuela materna, Águeda. Sabedora de cuánto amaba y ama su hija a Fernando, comprendió en seguida que Abel iba a necesitar de toda su ayuda. La madre se negó a darle el pecho, se negó a arroparle, se negó tan siquiera a compartir el mismo aire que él. Ese monstruo inocente que no podría ser ni la sombra de su progenitor.

El whisky barato nutrió la desesperación materna en cuanto recibieron el alta. Recibir el alta. Como si no fuese más sencillo haber recibido el certificado de defunción.

• Los Reyes son los padres, y el ratón Pérez son los padres...

En el colegio Abel nunca acabó de encajar. Ni los niños ni las niñas le tenían en alta estima. - Y aquel rincón en el patio. - Era el pequeño que siempre traía la misma descolorida camisa vaquera. Semana tras semana. Una constancia que la madre habría deseado para sí mientras aparecía y desaparecía de la asociación de alcohólicos. ¿Rehabilitados? Su buena aptitud y su silencio le ganaron la estima de los profesores que tuvo en aquellos años.

• ¿Te acuerdas de cuando lloraste en el parvulario?

- No.

La primera relación sexual de Abel fue, cómo no, consigo mismo. Como gran parte de las siguientes. Era incapaz de sentir nada. Absolutamente nada. Otra bonita particularidad de origen desconocido, pero descifrable. Era un paciente anestesiado, tumbado en una mesa de operaciones. Nunca supo qué era el amor, porque nunca supo del odio. Se sentía un peón translúcido, casi invisible, excepto para Hacienda, en una gigantesca y obscena partida de parchís. No importó nunca el receptáculo de su semen. La salida impetuosa de perlado líquido vital apenas se diferenciaba de cualquier otra excrecencia que asomara por cualquier otro agujero. De las miríadas de futuribles Abeles, la mayoría se le antojaba infeliz; el resto, moribundo. Mujer, hombre. Da igual. Soledad. En tanto en cuanto Abel era una persona cabal, - eso piensa él - decidió entregarse en soledad a su soledad. Tener que entablar tontas conversaciones post-coitales le fastidiaba a sobremanera. Y no encontrar su ropa.

Y ya nunca lo sabría.

Drogas. Tienen un nombre feo. Pero las trufas tampoco se visten a menudo de domingo. Las buscan cerdos y las devoran sus compañeros de póker. Casi como las drogas. Pero ambas estaban deliciosas. El THC se convirtió en la sólida argamasa que cimentó el muro de su super-ego, impidiendo al abordaje de los instintos. Pero merecía la pena. También mantenía a raya los demonios.

• Es curioso – pensó. Las palabras 'instinto' y 'demonio' no le parecieron tan distantes.

Para coronar la atalaya bélica ondeaban los pendones de Águeda, tan llena de abnegación como de ira.- ¿Quién se cree?

Masturbaciones cuasi-compulsivas.

happy birthday

it's oh so quiet

dreams

since i quitted smoking hash and weed, my dreams have returned to their home.
it,s been years since i was last able to remember one of them when i woke up, and they have come with renewed strenghs just to fuck my mind up again.
i saw myself telling my aunt off for not wanting to take care of her own mother when she / we most need it and this situation is becoming increasingly annoying for every single person involved in it.
and some other dreams of which i don,t want to utter a word.
my demons will remain private.
unless they find the key and the keyhole.

i,m an expert in fucking things up
i,m sorry
it,ll never happen again
though you,ll never read this apology

somebody kill me, please

hollow

now i just feel alone

the missing

the missing are everywhere within
up from my heart to my brain
black spots in a blank frame
wounds sparkling on my skin

the empty spaces
that can't be filled

and i grow old - i shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled
and i shall grow - the old bottoms of my rolled trousers

the missing are in me
they are me
and they keep my-
self together

absurd

that cliff-hanger feeling in the neck
always about to black out
sometimes it,s really hard to tell
me from myself

devil comes by...

some karma

when i started thinking that she really liked me - in spite of her husband
i started thinking that i liked her - in spite of my girlfriend
diving into her eyes
making love to her
making her scream out of unstoppable pleasure
because i guess i do not have as much sex as i would like
i learnt that a friend of mine is getting divorced
and that shit is fucking real
it fucking hurts
and i realised that i really do love my girl
i love her
after all

people i met long ago

and who accidentally have shown up again in my life have already had the time to do astonishing things.
there,s this guy i met at university and  whom we may have laughed at several times and now i find he is a writer, a journalist, a TV presenter...
there,s this girl i,ve known for all of my life and whom i may have been in love with and now i find she is the perfect citizen in the so-called global village
and there,s you, and your 3 year old daughter

2012

this is going to be fucking hard