i won the lottery and died the next day

i choke on an enormous feeling of loneliness - i choke on an enormous feeling of anger

i want nonetheless to be more isolated - i want to start killing people around

i want to cry

i want to shout this out loud

i,m choking

i want to be folded centrefold, kept in a drawer and forgotten about

i

i

i

i

i

i

i

the extinction of desire is nirvana

we are the causes of our own suffering

silogisms are cruel

but fair

i

i

i

i

i

i want to cry

i want to die

literally

no more black-on-white suicides

blurred sight

jolly life-like social networks

make me wanna cry over spilt life

and life spirals down like tap water in a sink

it,s over

nothing left to see

nothing

it,s over

fighting back though there,s no victory for me

broken spines white wine and sleeping pills

it,s over

nothing left to feel

nothing

it,s over

and here i am standing dead on both my feet

what i was was lost along a way of needles and pins

it,s over

nothing left to see

nothing

it,s over

if you don,t want to be like them, read...

YOU SHOULD NOT BE HERE

you see, madness, as you know, is like gravity... all it takes is a little push

...and the beatles

got the abbey road album a few days ago and it is completely amazing. don,t know if the term progressive pop is appropiate, don,t know if it even exists, but that,s what it is. but my mp4 leaps between songs and that doesn,t allow me to fully appreciate the wonders in it

so i decided to get me the sargent peppers (salt and pepper) lonely hearts, club band and it is definitely so much better. i love a day in the life but above all within you without you john and paul just had to shut up their big mouths for once and all

and by the way

i,m back into crossing streets with my eyes shut

lovely

ambushed

jolly life-like social networks,

pulled apart lives.

i don,t really know if i ever met you...

but how i miss you

sentimental drivel

mirrors do not cry

mirrors do not lie

binary waves through numb bodies

everlasting wife-killer knives

it scares the living hell out of me

i don,t really know if i ever met you...

because you don,t seem to be missing me

i,ve got a dying child within me

he never leaves

he will never leave

he,ll stick around with me until the day i die

he won,t let me go

because -fuck- i don,t want him to

mirrors do not cry

mirrors do sometimes tell white lies

random subject leaping

as usual

i,m not living, i,m just killing time

well, my girl,s suffering from clinical depression and thanks to that, i,ve discovered that i can pretend happiness quite accurately

in fact i think i,ve always suspected it

and it,s taking a lot of time to get out of here, since september, actually

and i have to prove my love, this is karma police knocking on my door

you know what i,m talking about

and some strange thoughts come to my mind, i,ve got such a burden onto my life

the main one is quitting

quitting the band, a 30-year-old man,s decision

quitting my job, a 30-year-old man,s decision

even quitting my girl, a 30-year-old man,s decision

because at the gym i,ve met a girl (man, so hot) whose smile literally wipe all my shadows out instantly...

but karma police comes again

i wish i was sent real further than far and i could get all these things out of my sight

edipus, shortcut

saxon genitive

and many other little roaches climbing up the walls

3 songs

each one is sadder than the previous one

just remember, dear unprobable reader, you should not be here

downs

and i,m not going thru a good period in my life-again. she,s not going thru a good period in her life-again, and that doesn,t make things any better. a lot of work to do just to release my boss from paperwork burden and that doesn,t make things any better. and i,m letting my family down in a moment in which they need my help, and my attention is so blurred and weak that i don,t have any fucking second for myself.i,ve even run out of clean washed clothes. i can,t sleep, i try to stay awake as long as possible so that i don,t have to wake up in the dead of night waiting for sleep to come again. weed is not of any help, pills are not of any help, and things ain,t seem to be getting better or anywhere. i want to sleep for years, i want to disappear completely and be forgotten. i want to peel the layers of the atoms of which i am made and fly free-at last-from this fucking earth.

vacuum

no sex
no future
no intelligence
no fun
no sleep
no car
no one

my

fucking

big

mouth

and then, it happened

after having many problems, we finally did it.

it may not have been the best of concerts, but last night,s was the best concert i have had the pleasure to take part in. our friends liked it, my girl liked it

i felt confident onstage, and though each of us made some mistakes, actually it did not matter

i,m a happy man

i,m a happy musician

i have refound a friend

if things were to go wrong

lately i,ve been suffering a kind of depression in my life and there are different causes, i would say.

some of them have to do with my addictions, of which i haven,t been able to get enough and this is making me sick. waiting for the right phone call to come... perhaps i should quit for once and all, and leave behind all this dirt... but would my personality be changed by that? i just don,t know but if i never try...

and i,m going through another low, i can,t be happy when i,m with her - by now.

my blood thickens, my laughter dies and my hands freeze... we really do need some time together to sort things out, to find happiness again

and my job slowly kills me, bruises that won,t heal

and people keep asking me why i like radiohead...

they sing my life

and it is significant that i,ve talked a whole lot more about drugs than about my girl

literary suicides

beautiful

harmless

& useful

men on the moon

13-year-old's raping 13-year-old girls

there is something wrong

summer fires

serious neck aches

a non-loving girlfriend

what about me?

this is yet another low

i should be used to it by now

but i ain´t

never will

dharma

she,s running out of episodes

and wants some more

like a junkie on a sunday morning

now the doors are closed

no matter how i bash,em

no matter how hard i try

like a junkie on a sunday morning

wanting some more

i,m a junkie on a sunday morning

repented and ashamed

but wanting some more

the last of your songs

echoes in my head

casting dark shadows

all over my door

i,m a junkie on a sunday morning

who walks away to avoid

any after-sex drivel with you

repented and ashamed

but wanting a whole lot more

never let me down

dm,s concert cancelled, my concert cancelled, me playing the guitar solos...

and in spite of that, i can smile

if i try the best i can...

do you know anything about drums?

anger in the universe

dm,s singer,s having a bad year... first some cancer, many shows cancelled, now a what-the-fuck-was-it leg, my show cancelled...

best wishes, dave

but, hell... i was really looking forwards seeing you...

all i want to do is see you

disappointment in the universe

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and there,s samsa

i live with an old roach, which i love as long as it,s out of sight

corpses floating on a river by SASAKI Chizuko

critical review

the writer, following lorca,s teachings, has created a diary of a self-hatred man in which the main character is not even mentioned, reminding us of lorca,s pepe el romano, who was a kind of invisible force which makes the action go and the rest of the characters onstage react.

but who is that undiscoverded character?

and we also have a woman with whom he is desperately in love, but who is the object of many oblivious (to be kind) actions of the most abject nature. but he loves her, nonetheless

and now i,m starting to review myself, literary autofellatio, how do you like it?

pepe must die

i,m lost

sorry

long time no see

if this were nineteenth century installments, i would have been fired long time ago... and this is a mixture of the second and third conditional sentences and my students would know that i,m a liar

too tired today

we,ve had two good rehearsals but this one has been, if not bad, tiring and trying, and i have a feeling that something,s creeping out of my sight, as if forces were conspiring against me... no paranoia careful to all animals fitter happier? and my daughters are being ignored... and i don,t take care of them properly, but that,s because i know i will be fired sooner or later

closed structure

where does all this (self)hate come from? how can i handle it? how can i cope with it?

and why am i always so eager and willing to beat him ceaselessly?

five dollar words

not so closed

... but i have her

and all is fine

hot

too hot in here

and there,s something that doesn,t work with those two

too different

time will surely be the one to tell

oh well

speelin mestakez

just like a whore would spell those words
my complaint
why won,t you suck my cock with the lights on?
just because you,re a catholic?
so am i
and i have no problems with that
translate into spanish
a whore is more literate than you and they don,t write songs
yet

new year

what the hell, i,m gonna try the best i can (,cos the best i can is good enough) to try the best i can to mend my ways - i,m gonna learn the songs i,m gonna write new ones i,m gonna do it, yes hereby

this one,s for you. i still have faith in friends who have proved nearly unreliable, but deliciously insane. in spite of big mouths and the like - i still can,t even mention the subject - she,s the only one to whom i,ve been able to openly confess myself, and that,s yet another reason to love her. - it,s not that someone might read this and suffer a sudden blast of knowledge, it,s not that somebody might find out about this... it,s me, up to now i can,t believe the treason, it still hurts badly, so badly. so fucking badly. forgiven but sadly not forgotten. what the hell i,m gonna try the best i can. ups and downs in the plot. i,m completely off the rails. love to all.

rehearse

this... this is our new song... just like the last one... A TOTAL W.A.S.T.E. OF TIME... my iron lung

nothing sounds right and i know it,s partly my fault, disappointment in the eyes, what else can i do? what can i do to balance every aspect of my life? and i may sound a little paranoid, but i think that the joke was on me... yeah, you know which kind it is... people like chasing me around... i, m getting a bit tired of it... sometimes i feel as if a dense black ball of black electricity was growing inside of me, and that ball starts to expand and spread beyond my corporal limits, wiping everything around me out, and when i,m alone, oh,god how fucking good it feels... now it,s your turn to decide whether i,m joking or not

they brought in the C.I.A the tanks and the whole marines to blow me away to blow me sky high

sorry for the delay

happy birthday, jordi

snowy mazes

and perhaps it is only me subconsciously taking a subtle quiet revenge, following someone else,s footprints

danny, come ,ere, danny

sleep tight

sitting by the river

write a song, make a decent demo out of it, store it in a drawer with the rest of your secrets, forget about... and the song will come stronger and revengeful... it will chase after that person who wanted to smother you, who thought the world was created only for himself and now realises how wrong he was... none of his songs can cast a shadow over yours... and now he has to sing your words, and these words are needles in his eyes... so be it... corpses floating by... 

she

although it is scorching here, things seem to get better, little by little. when i saw her it was like the very first time... so beautiful and so fragile, so strong on the inside, she is my one and only. and i made love to her as sweetly as i could as lovingly as i could as slowly as i could because i do really love her, and what,s best, she loves me, no doubt. sometimes the wrong sign tried to shine over my head bringing back bad memories i don,t want. her eyes, her body, the touch and smell of her skin. i will shred the wrong sign litlle by little, taking my time in watching it suffer... 

radiohead amnesiac their copyright or emi,s, don,t know don,t intend to win any money...

feeling good

although sometimes i get a cliff hanger feeling, surprisingly yesterday was good, mostly.

phone calls pull the trigger. time washes everything, mostly.

i,m not sure whether to carry on with this. at least as an everyday activity.

and i have to write some new songs and i have to rehearse the old ones. just to quit the band in a few month,s time. friendships come and go, and i have to learn to keep the old ones and erase the new ones. unworthy. mostly.

radiohead_talk show host

i want to be someone else or i,ll explode floating upon the surface for the birds

you want me? fucking well come and find me i,ll be waiting with a gun and a pack of sandwiches and nothing nothing nothing nothing

you want me? fucking c'mon and break the door down i,m ready i,m ready i,m ready

i,m ready

secrets, coincidences and homer j. simpson

i have quite a few secrets which i cannot share because they will destroy not only me, but someone else,s life. and i cannot bear that. i just can,t. i can go on with many things but not with that. do you know the episode in which homer becomes a critic for the springfield shopper? at first he fails and he is in the bathtube franticaly washing himself and crying out 'i,m still dirty'... well, that,s precisely the image that came into my mind when i made my latest biggest mistake and oh! here i am watching that randomly chosen episode on tv reminding me that the bottom line is that everything is wrong. spelling correction?. no shelter. the drugs don,t work. and are expensive.

first timers

this is the first time i start a blog. my own blog. i think i,m doing this as a kind of self-therapy... there is so much shit to deal with... i,ll put in here whatsoever wanders within, so that i can get along with a little less of a burden. i will not advertise this blog anywhere, so if you have found out this, maybe you,re as bored as i am. mortigi tempo. not living actually. let,s keep this a secret. no names. no places. just thoughts (?) here. life is...